


(Not) Alone

by corway



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Haytham is in love with shay but he doesn't know it yet, Haytham is really unaware of his emotions, Haytham thinks too much, M/M, Past Shay Cormac/Liam O'Brien, Shay is sad about everything, he will figure it out at some point, post main story of AC rogue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corway/pseuds/corway
Summary: Haytham just can't understand it, he can't understand the effect that Shay Cormac has on him. He didn't kill Achilles at the precursor site against his better judgement, just because Shay told him not to. What was it about this man that made him throw all of his better judgement out the window.
Relationships: Shay Cormac/Haytham Kenway
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	(Not) Alone

Haytham was alone in his office lost in thought, he had a lot of work to do, but he had barely gotten anything done. It had been a week since he came back from the precursor site, and his mind kept wandering back to what had happened, trying to make sense of it all. 

His decision not to kill Achilles, for one, kept nagging at him. Shay had told him to spare him, and even though he’d had every intention of killing the man before that, he listened to Shay. Haytham wasn’t the kind of man who cared much for sparing his enemies, that sort of thing could only come back to haunt him eventually, as he was sure that this exception would. What Haytham couldn’t make sense of was not so much about figuring out if sparing Achilles was the smart thing to do, it most certainly wasn’t, but more so about why he decided to do it. 

Haytham thought of himself as a rational man, who wouldn’t put emotion over reason, then why had Shay’s pleas for mercy and an end to this violence stopped him. Maybe Haytham wanted to protect Shay, he had already been through so much, he had already lost so much, and he didn’t want to make it worse. He hated the idea of Shay hurting, and he would do anything to protect him from that. Haytham dismissed that thought immediately, sure he cared for Shay, but only as a fellow templar and even so, why would that be enough to sway him? Perhaps _he himself_ had been tired of all the violence and killing, his entire life had been filled with loss, suffering and death; maybe he needed a break of it all, and by some miracle Shay was there with him, at the right place, at the right time, to reach out to him and offer him a temporary escape from it all. Shay gave him what he needed, and he took it, that is all. 

Feeling like he had come no closer to understanding his decision or how he felt about the situation, Haytham tried to let go of the issue for now and get back to work. He looked at his desk and realised he really hadn’t gotten anything done at all. Truth is, he had been struggling to get anything done since he got back. He let out an exasperated groan as he buried his face in his hands. What was wrong with him? He felt absolutely pathetic and sitting like this, alone at his desk with hiding his face in his hands, made it worse. 

His despair and self-loathing got interrupted by a knock on the door, quickly followed by “Are you busy, sir?”.

“Not at all,” Haytham replied as he quickly composed himself, “come on in.”. 

“Thank you, sir.” Shay stepped into the office and moved towards the desk with his usual subdued confidence that commanded your attention. Although Shay had become more refined in the years he’d known him, there was still a scruffiness about him, a look of mischief about him that no amount of money or class could take out of him.

“I took care of the remaining gangs in the city,” he explained as he took a seat opposite Haytham, “and there wasn’t any indication that they’ve been in touch with the assassins. We’ll need to make sure they don’t return, but for now, they’ve got nothing left here.”

“That sounds like good news, I suppose…” Haytham leaned back in his chair, pensively. “Keep an eye on them and keep me updated,” he added somewhat absentmindedly. 

Haytham turned his attention to the man he’d spend more time than he’d like to admit thinking about. “How have you been, Shay?” 

“I…. Uhm…” Shay stammered, “I’m…” it seemed like he wasn’t expecting this question at all. “I’ve been okay, I guess.” He eventually muttered unconvincingly. Haytham had seen that these past few weeks, hell, years had been rough on Shay, but the events at the precursor site had been especially hard on him. During the journey back to New York Haytham noticed a deep sadness in Shay, he tried to hide it of-course, but Haytham noticed, he hadn’t actually tried to talk to Shay about it until then because he wasn’t sure where to start. But he had too now because Shay’s pain was killing him and he needed to soothe it for his own sake. 

Haytham looked at Shay, “I know this has been hard on you, Shay”. 

Shay averted his gaze down to his hands, “I suppose…” he fidgeted with his templar ring. “It’s just that everyone from my old life is gone.” He let out a deep sigh “even Liam”. 

All Haytham knew about Liam was that Shay had known him since they were young and that he was Shay’s reason for joining the assassins. Shay hadn’t shared much about his and Liam’s relationship, but it was clear to Haytham they were close. 

“Tell me about him,” Haytham asked softly. 

Shay shifted in his seat and stared past Haytham out of the window behind him. “He was my best friend, we’d known each other for ages, he looked out for me, ya know. He was the last person left in the world who cared for me.” Haytham felt his heartbreak for Shay, did he really think that? “Now he’s dead, and I’m alone.”

They stared at each other in silence. Haytham wanted to say something, but he was struggling to find the words. On the one hand, he wanted to tell him that _he_ cared for him, and _he_ was there for him. But he knew he’d only make a fool of himself. So he just looked at him, trying to find the words to make him feel less alone. 

“I’m sorry, Shay” Haytham managed after what felt like an eternity, “But, you’re not alone. You have _us_ ”. Haytham could kick himself as if _we_ could replace what he had with Liam. But Shay gave him a slight smile. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad then. 

“I suppose you’re right, sir” he sighed “It’s just hard to believe he’s really gone”. 

“I know, Shay” Haytham gave Shay a knowing look. He had also lost people he cared about, especially Jim’s death still weighed heavily on him. He had felt responsible for it, and he thought it was the closest he could come to understand Shay’s pain. “If you ever want to talk about it,” he said awkwardly, “you know where to find me”. 

“I know, sir.” 

Shay got up from his chair and walked towards the door. Just as he was about to open the door, he said “Thanks, sir. This really did help” and shot Haytham a little smile that made his heart jump. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first fanfic, I hope you liked it :)  
> Not sure where this is going yet, but Haytham will certainly continue to be an absolute idiot.


End file.
